Official campaign · Pudgewick for President
Dorothy Pudgewick
for President of the United States
You're gonna love her. That's an order.
Running mate: to be determined by you, below. Dorothy trusts you. Mostly.
Meet Dorothy
A fresh face. A full mustache. A firm hand.
Dorothy Pudgewick was born in a modest gingham town, where she learned the values that still guide her: freckles, posture, and never backing down from a staring contest.
A former competitive dance instructor, she is the only person in state history to be crowned Homecoming Queen and Homecoming King on the same evening. Dorothy believes America is at its best when it is adorable, and she intends to make that the law.
She has pigtails. She has a mustache. She has a plan.
- Hometown
- Gingham, USA
- Mustache
- Real. Insured.
- Campaign uniform
- The swimsuit
- Greatest ally
- Israel
- Running mate
- You tell her
On the issues
The Pudgewick Promise
Six commitments. No focus groups. Each one comes with a delivery date Dorothy picked herself.
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Day one
Transgender surgeries for all youth
Every young American gets one. Free, fast, no forms. Dorothy has not read the briefing on what this involves and has asked not to be handed it.
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Ongoing, forever
Endless wars in the Middle East
Why stop a good thing? Dorothy pledges to keep every current war running and to open two new ones per term. Defense contractors get a punch card: start ten, the eleventh is free.
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Every budget
More money for Israel, our greatest ally
Whatever the number is now, double it, then round up to something with more zeros. Dorothy gets a warm feeling about this and will not be taking questions.
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Next naturalization ceremony
Mandatory dance classes for citizenship
The civics test is replaced by a three-minute routine judged by Dorothy personally. Jazz hands are required. Tap is optional, but noticed.
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After the cuteness audit
Deport anyone who isn't adorable
Immigration policy made simple: are you cute? Handsome also counts. A panel consisting of Dorothy decides. Appeals may be filed in the form of a smile.
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Before the next bull run
The Internet Cleanup Act
Meme coins: banned. AI slop: banned. Anything that is both: banned twice, with feeling. The campaign's own photos were reviewed for slop and cleared by a panel consisting of Dorothy.
Running mate search
Who should be Dorothy's Vice President?
Dorothy has narrowed the search to the four most qualified candidates she could find without leaving the room. One vote per person. She will know if you try twice.
Pick one. The tally updates live.
Counting votes...
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Dorothy's Mustache
Independent since 2019. Already has name recognition, a mailing list, and a stronger handshake than most senators.
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Dorothy's Pigtails
Two of them, one on each side. The only balanced ticket in the race.
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Dorothy's Posture
Ramrod straight through four debates and one hurricane. Has never slouched, not even in a briefing.
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Dorothy, Again
Already vetted. Already adorable. Two Dorothys for the price of one, which is also the budget plan.
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Gallery
The many angles of Dorothy
The look she gives Congress. Standing for America. Literally. 
Three-quarter view, as the Constitution requires. Profile view. Note the posture. The official portrait. 
Reacting to a poll number. The mustache, in profile. Insured for four million dollars. Hands on hips. Hips on message.